SEXTING ETIQUETTE The dos and Don’ts

 Sexting is nothing new. Its very existence goes back to the Paleolithic period, which left behind erotic cave paintings all around the world. Technically there are no rules in the sexting game so it can make it very intriguing for people to engage in when they’re in the mood or want attention from their significant other.While, yes, there are no set “rules,” we thought it would be helpful to set some guidelines for the thrilling behavior (especially for newbies). Ultimately, it comes down to what you and the person you’re sexting feel comfortable with. This list should be used as a loose playbook to ensure things don’t get out of hand or as inspiration to kick off your first sexting relationship (if that’s what you’re looking for, of course). Read on for our sexting etiquette.

Do:

Develop trust with the person first 

When sexting, trust is vital between the two of you …

Ask for consent to send any risqué photos 

Before sending any photos, make sure they are OK with receiving them.

Keep it short and sweet 

Don’t text your significant other a long, loving paragraph while sexting. There’s a time and a place for everything. Sexting usually happens pretty quickly, so keep it short and sweet.

Talk about your desires and wildest fantasies

Get to know each other on a whole new level.

Get creative and even use props or wear lingerie

Don’t be embarrassed, either; they love this stuff.

Ask your partner what they like

A closed mouth doesn’t get fed. Enough said.

Contribute equally 

Remember, it takes two to tango.

Start slow until you and your partner/sexter get in a groove with each other

Slow and steady wins the race. Or in this case, will hopefully win you an orgasm.

Use emojis

If you can’t think of what to say, express yourself with emojis.

Always keep it playful—sexting should be fun

A light-hearted conversation is one that people always go back to.

Double-check who you’re sending it to

Let’s not text “dad” instead of “daddy.”

Don't:

Go beyond your comfort zone

As thrilling of an experience as it can be, don’t push your personal boundaries.

Ghost someone after you have been sexting (unless it’s warranted!)

Disappearing after you have a steamy text interaction is unfair to the other person involved.

Sext when you are around people or in public

You never know who’s looking over your shoulder.

Show your face in pictures 

It’s ultimately your call, but it’s always better to be safe than sorry. 

Save sexting messages

Don’t screenshot sext messages or save pictures you received to your camera roll. Enjoy and live in the moment.

Demand instead of ask

Don’t forget your manners!

Forget to hide your private pictures on your phone

If you want to save the photos you sext, take advantage of the hidden photos feature on your phone. 

Go overboard with the sex talk

You wouldn’t want it to seem forced or pornographic (unless they’re into that). Plus, remember it’s all in writing so don’t send something you may regret.

Poosh

This Is Exactly How Long You Should Wait to Text After a First Date

 Relationship experts have answered the age-old question of when you should reach out.

For many people, there is nothing more nerve-wracking than a first date. But even if the date goes well, the dreaded questions that come up after the date may be even worse. Did you talk too much? Did they laugh at your jokes? And the inevitable: How long should you wait to text them? You may be worried that you're being held down by the arbitrary "three-day rule," but fortunately, it may turn out you're doing more worrying than necessary. According to experts, the best rule of thumb is that you should text someone within 24 hours after a first date.

Send a basic "thank you" text within the next 24 hours.

"When it comes to texting after a first date, you should text no later than the next day to say you had a great time, or to thank them for their time," says Susan Trombetti, a matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking. "Most people will text within a few hours of arriving home and thank their date."

Andrea McGinty, a digital dating coach and founder of 33 Thousand Dates, says that "texting a few hours after the date shows you appreciate the person's time, and you enjoy their company." And the research backs this up: According to McGinty, out of 752 single men surveyed by 33 Thousand Dates, 84 percent said they like hearing from a woman the same day as the first date.

But you can wait a few days to ask for a second date.

According to Trombetti, the 24-hour timeline is just when it comes to sending "the most basic thank you text." If you're looking to text about a second date or just to flirt, you can wait as many as three to five days after your first date. 

And you can make exceptions for extraordinary cases.

McGinty says that 95 percent of the time, texting a few hours after a first date is the most appropriate course of action. However, there could be some instances where you may want to wait."The only circumstance where you wouldn't want to text soon after would be if they tell you something personal is happening later that day, and even then, you can incorporate this into your message," she says.

If the other person texts you first, you should reply within the same day.

You might not always be the first one to text after a first date. And while this may seem like it takes the pressure off of you, your response time is also important if you are interested in pursuing things further with this person."Not responding to texts is the quickest way to sink a new relationship before it even starts," Trombetti says. "If someone texts you, answering is a must during the same day you received the text. If you don't, your date will think you aren't interested in them."

But avoid any late-night texts.

Both Trombetti and McGinty say you should leave the late-night texting out of the picture, especially if you've only gone on a first date with this person. McGinty says that if it's after 11 p.m., you're best waiting until the morning as a text this late at night could "signal you're getting too cozy with your glass of wine." And if you are drinking, you especially want to wait, as you don't want to scare your date away with a sloppy text.

Kali Coleman

The One Pick-Up Line That Works Every Time, Research Shows

 You only have one chance to make a great first impression, so be sure to use this kind of pick-up line.

Approaching someone you're interested in–whether virtually or in person—takes courage, confidence, and yes, the right pick-up line. But a specific line that's good for a twenty-something in college is likely not effective for a forty-something who's getting back out there after a divorce. Plus, the dubious "advice" of pick-up artists who work their magic in bars is unlikely to lead to success when you're opening a conversation with someone on a dating app. But the truth is, there is a kind of pick-up line that is guaranteed to work. What's the trick? It has to be a pick-up line that intrigues and initiates.On her website, behavioral expert Vanessa Van Edwards, the best-selling author of Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People, points out that pick-up lines are not in and of themselves a bad thing; it's just that people tend to use ones "that are awkward, confusing, and/or just flat-out inappropriate." From her research, the pick-up lines that work are those that both "intrigue someone enough that they begin to reciprocate your interest" and "initiate a conversation." She adds that "the mistake people make with pick-up lines and other ways of approaching people is that they forget to consider what the other person would be comfortable with."This means thinking about the other person, rather than yourself, and then it's a case of looking for what Van Edwards calls "comfortable commonalities"—questions that relate to the environment that you find yourselves in together. So, if you're at your friend Amy's party, ask, "How do you know Amy?" Or if you're at a bar and they're ordering something unusual, ask them, "What's that drink you're having?"A 2020 study out of Saint Mary's University and Bucknell University found that "the initial communication that occurs between prospective romantic partners is critical in determining whether an interaction and subsequent relationship will continue or not." To find out what kind of initial communication works, the researchers looked at three different types of pick-up lines: innocuous lines that "hide the intention of the speaker and act more as conversation starters" ("Can you recommend a good drink?"); direct lines that clearly indicate you're interested ("Can I have your number?"); and flippant lines that are silly icebreakers ("Can I get a picture of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?").Their findings, which were published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, show that the kind of pick-up line you should use depends on who you're trying to approach: Women are most receptive to innocuous lines, like the ones Van Edwards highlighted, while men respond best to direct lines. Flippant lines are always your worst bet. In terms of perception, "flippant line users as the least likable and responsible, as well as being the most selfish, domineering, and promiscuous," the researchers concluded.Ultimately, Van Edwards stresses, people talk more freely when they feel truly comfortable, so have a real interest in their response, ask follow-up questions, be genuine, and be aware of how your words or actions might come across. And don't be afraid of some pick-up lines that feel a little old-fashioned. "We know, 'Do you come here often?' is overused," Van Edwards writes. "But the sentiment is great."

John Quinn

Pleasure and Protection: Why Sex Ed Programs Should Teach About Both

 Researchers have found that including pleasure as a part of sex education can make people more likely to engage in safer sex practices.

    The organization, The Pleasure Project, advocates for “putting the sexy into safer sex.”

    Experts say parents also play a vital role in teaching young people sex positivity.

    An open acknowledgement that sex feels good allows young people to learn how to experience sex in a safer and pleasurable way.

Sexual education often focuses on all the things that can go wrong in sex, like unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).However, researchers say that sex ed may be more effective when sexual pleasure is also a part of these conversations.According to the authors of a new studyTrusted Source in the journal PLOS One, when educators acknowledge that enjoyment is often a primary objective of sex, it helps improve people’s knowledge and attitudes about sex.Their research also indicates that it leads to safer sex practices and improves compliance with condom use.

Sexual pleasure education linked to safer sex

The research team decided to look at the issue of pleasure in sex education because they felt that it was largely absent from most programs as well as being understudied.To carry out their research, they performed a meta-analysis of the scientific literature between 2005 and 2020.The majority of the studies included in their analysis were from the United States. However, studies from countries around the globe, including Brazil, Spain, South Africa, the UK, Nigeria, Mexico, and Singapore were also included.When they examined the data from these studies, they found that incorporating pleasure into sexual health and reproduction programs can have positive effects on people’s attitudes toward sex.It can also encourage safer sexual behaviors, including condom use, when educators acknowledge that sex can and should feel good.The authors concluded their report by recommending that sexual health programs revisit their approaches if they’re not already including sexual pleasure in their educational efforts, stating that they will have more effective programs when done with a sex-positive approach.

Putting the sexy into safer sex

The study was released just prior to Valentine’s Day by the World Health Organization (WHO) and The Pleasure Project, an advocacy organization described by study author and founder Anne Philpott as “putting the sexy into safer sex.”According to Philpott, historically, sexual health education has focused on what we should avoid or the harm that can come to us if we have sex, an approach that doesn’t work when it comes to changing behavior.There is also stigma and taboo surrounding sexual behaviors and the reasons people engage in them.In addition, there are gender norms that make it taboo for women, LGBTQIA+, or other marginalized groups to be able to express what they might want or to express their sexual identities.“However, this has not served us well overall in that it shames people into not being able to learn the skills and knowledge they need to protect themselves,” said Philpott.“We promote sexual health and agency through an emphasis on ‘good sex’ and by focusing on one of the primary reasons people have sex — the pursuit of pleasure — and by acknowledging diverse desires and means of satisfaction,” she said.

Talking about sex with your kids

While there are formal programs that educate young people about sex, including sex education in schools, parents play an important role as well.Jennifer M. Grossman, PhD, a senior research scientist at the Wellesley Centers for Women who leads its Family, Sexuality, and Communication Research Initiative, said that parents often fear talking with their children about the positive aspects of sex, worrying that they’ll encourage behaviors that may lead to unintended pregnancies or STIs.She noted that the evidence does not support this.“It’s important to talk about sexual pleasure, especially with adolescents and young adults, because these are developmental periods when people form lasting ideas about sex and relationships, which carry over into adulthood,” said Grossman.“Therefore, seeing sex as a negative behavior may get in the way of healthy and positive sexual relationships in adulthood,” she added.She said that when you avoid the positives, it prevents opportunities to talk honestly with your kid about the challenges of using protection, or safe and healthy ways to experience pleasure, like masturbation.

Protection and pleasure can go together

Sara C. Flowers, DrPH, vice president of education and training at Planned Parenthood Federation of America, said “It’s important to know that you don’t have to sacrifice a fun, pleasurable sexual experience in order to practice safer sex.”“Actually, practicing safer sex helps you be more relaxed during sex since you can worry less about STIs or unintended pregnancy,” she said.Flowers noted that rather than taking away from your fun, condoms can actually increase pleasure for both partners. They come in lots of different styles, shapes, and textures.Also, putting on a condom can be a fun part of foreplay, she said.Flowers added that consent is also a big part of having a safer, happier sex life.“Asking for consent doesn’t have to be hard or awkward. In fact, telling someone what you want and asking what they want can be sexy,” she said.“It also makes doing sexy stuff less awkward and less confusing because when there’s clear consent, you know for sure that the person you’re with wants the same thing you do,” she added.

Nancy Schimelpfening

Join this cool side with these playful beauties(23photos)

 "In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find someone who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you." — Mac (J.K. Simmons)

Paulina Porizkova Says This Is the Recipe for Great Sex

 She kept hearing "horror stories" about sex as you age, but the model says "it only gets better."

Supermodel Paulina Porizkova has been outspoken about aging, and now, she's tackling a specific aspect of getting older: sex in her 50s. Porizkova often comments on aging, body acceptance, and double standards for men and women on social media and in interviews. Now, at 56 years old, Porizkova told Yahoo! that she has the "recipe for great sex."Read on to learn how she's enjoying sex now more than ever, what she finds attractive in a partner, and how she's back on the scene after her nearly 30-year marriage to the late musician Ric Ocasek.

She's found that sex has only gotten better as she's gotten older.

Porizkova told Yahoo! that she was worried about how sex would change as she got older because she "kept hearing all these horror stories about how you go through menopause and then you lose your sex drive." She adds, "I had been wandering the desert for a little while and I was really afraid that somehow that part of my life was going to disappear or go away or was no longer something that I got to do."But what she found was the opposite. "It turns out that it only gets better because I know my body so much better," she says. "Whatever confidence and wisdom that you acquire with age, it's kind of paying off in your 50s. Now I take my pleasure where I know that I had it or where I can. I'm not there to please the guy; I'm there to be pleased."

When it comes to dating, she knows her worth.

Porizkova married Cars frontman Ocasek when she was 24, and they started dating when she was just 19. They had two sons together and were married for 28 years, until they split in 2017. Ocasek passed away two years later.She told Yahoo! that she isn't good at dating. "I keep being this weird teenager when it comes to dating because the last time I dated, I was a teenager," she says.That said, she does know that she needs a different sort of man than she did when she was younger. "I need something else now because I'm way more fabulous now than I was at 19. I need a guy that can withstand my awesomeness," she says.

Her "recipe for great sex" is all about being carefree.

The former America's Next Top Model judge explained that now that she's older, she is less self-conscious, which makes sex better."The last time I dated, I was 19, and now I'm 56, so clearly there's a big chunk of time here that has gotten lost. But the last time around I wanted to seduce the guy; I wanted to be seen as hot," she says. "It was all very self-conscious, and that self-consciousness is just not there anymore. And sex is a lot more fun when you're not self-conscious and when you're just enthusiastic, I love that. In fact, I think that's the recipe for great sex."

Body acceptance is part of it, too.

Porizkova says that she knows that confidence had to come from accepting her body. "You have to deal with a fair amount of body acceptance obviously, because, you know, after having two kids and being in your 50s, your body quite doesn't bounce like it used to. But it's got other beauties to it, such as control."This is something that the model and actor talks a lot about, specifically when it comes to having confidence at this point in her life. In February, she posted a naked photo of herself on Instagram, and wrote, "When I was in my twenties and thirties, the less I wore – the more popular I was. In my forties, I could walk around practically naked and illicit nothing more than a ticket for public indecency. At fifty, I am reviled for it. 'Put on your clothes, grandma. Hungry for attention, are you? A little desperate here? You're pathetic.'"She said she believes this has to do with both misogyny and evolution. She concluded, "The only thing that is pathetic here is allowing others to set your priorities."In Hollywood, body acceptance is something that both men and women confront.

Lia Beck

73 Percent of People Wish They Had More of This Kind of Sex, Survey Shows

 After a year of the pandemic, most people are looking for more sex like this.

After a pandemic year that saw a real dip in dating new people and flirting across bars, people are craving sex more than ever. As the weather gets warmer and more Americans get vaccinated, we're likely to see a lot of residual desire spilling over from the social distancing drought. According to a recent survey, the majority of Americans are looking for one kind of sexual experience in particular. 

According to a survey, 73 percent of people wish they had more spontaneous sex.

In response to a survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Foria, 73 percent of people said they wish they had more spontaneous sex. While Psychology Today refers to spontaneous sex as "the gold standard in love-making," it can be hard to come by. Whether spontaneous sex to you means sleeping with someone after a great first date or having sex with your spouse without planning it ahead of time, it's not always easy to find time for these things. Between work, wellness, maintaining a social life, and an ongoing pandemic, spontaneity in your sex life may not be the easiest thing to achieve.

Spontaneous sex is good for your relationship, experts say.

"There is something incredibly sexy about sex that's straight from the source," sex educator and relationship expert Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD, told Fox News. "Spontaneous sex has been hailed for not only grabbing a lover's interest but maintaining it. It spikes a relationship's lust factor, making lovemaking more exciting. Plus, when needed, it can get lovers out of a slump." After the worldwide slump of the COVID pandemic, it's no surprise that people are seeking some spice in their sex lives.

Scheduled sex can still have an air of spontaneity.

While dropping everything to engage with your partner in the moment without prior planning is the ultimate form of spontaneous sex, not everyone can achieve this. If you and your partner are busy and need to schedule sex, you can still give it a bit of a spontaneous edge. Healthline suggests that not getting specific about what you plan to do beforehand can help keep an element of surprise in scheduled sex. "Lean into the anticipation by dropping hints of what you have in mind for your time together, but leave things open for anything that feels good in the moment," Healthline recommends. 

Anxiety impedes spontaneous sex.

The survey found that 60 percent of people confessed to being too "in their head" about sex to enjoy new things the first time they try them out. While nearly 75 percent of people crave spontaneity, many people end up too in their head to enjoy spontaneous acts during sex. Stress of any kind can impact sex negatively, whether it's related to your performance in the bedroom or what's going on in the world at large."Heightened stress impacts your nervous system, and your body will enter fight, flight, or freeze mode. Your nervous system communicates to your body that survival is the priority, and sex and libido are deprioritized on a biological level," Kiana Reeves, somatic sex educator and Foria's Chief Brand Officer, said in a write-up of the survey. "Stress levels can also impact your level of arousal, as well as lubrication, desire, and more, so addressing stress levels first is key." She noted that while stress impedes sex, sex can actually help alleviate stress. "Pleasure helps reduce stress and promotes wellbeing," Reeves added.

Allie Hogan

The Sex Positions She Wants You To Try Tonight

 You know what they say: nice guys finish last.

Some men liken sex to pizza: Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good. Those dudes are what I like to call "wrong." Chances are, more than a few women they've slept with wish they'd gone to Sbarro instead of bumping uglies with those mongers of mediocrity. Acquaint yourself with the four sex positions below, and you'll be the one she calls when she wants something gourmet delivered.

1.Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)

The clitoris. Many women's orgasms are dependent on stimulation of its pea-sized head, which is physiologically analogous to the head of your penis. Here's the thing: the clit is situated a short distance from the vaginal opening. In fact, research has determined that the greater this distance is, the less likely a women is to have an orgasm through intercourse alone—and just a fraction of an inch can make a difference. But don't think of the way the penis and vagina fit together as a design flaw. It's more of a design challenge. The good news? There's an orgasmic work-around, and it's called the coital alignment technique, or CAT.CAT is essentially a tweak of the missionary position, and that's how you're going to start out. Once you're happily inside her, shift your body toward her head. By doing so, your pubic bone will be in contact with her clitoris. In this position, you'll use more of a grinding motion, and in doing so, you'll give her the sort of clitoral stimulation most women need to come.In the advanced version, she puts her legs together underneath yours, so you're essentially planking on top of her. Inch up a little more, and using a drilling downward motion, rub the top side of your penile shaft on her clitoris. You'll want to be hard as a rock for sex positions like this, so learn the 11 secrets for harder erections.

2.Doggy Style

Although many women orgasm most readily via clitoral stimulation, a good number can come through the stimulation of an area on the front wall of the vagina, about 2 to 3 inches from the opening. You may know it as the "G-spot," although in recent years some scientists have asserted that this spongy area is part of the clitoral complex. But don't get bogged down in the nomenclature. Just find a position that puts your penis in contact with it. To that end, doggy style should be one of your go-tos.Of all sex positions, this one allows for deep penetration and stimulation of the area. The beauty part is that even if your partner is one of the many women who require clitoral stimulation to come, she'll find it a snap to reach between her legs and use her fingers or a toy while enjoying the deeper penetration and bestial feel. Hell, if you're a proficient multitasker, you can reach between her legs and give her a hand yourself. Start by getting behind her, and if she's not doing so already, encourage her to raise and lower her upper body to search for an angle that works for her.

3.The Bridge

If you're looking among sex positions that offer deep penetration, a better-than-good chance of stimulating the special spot on the front wall of her vagina, and mutual access to her clitoris, look no further than The Bridge. It looks like a two-person yoga pose. Done right, it can be transcendent.Start off in missionary. Ask her to bend her knees so that her feet are flat on the bed or floor. Then, holding her hips, shift back onto your wide-spread knees, supporting her weight as you bring her up and toward you. Keep slightly bent at the hip, and sit your ass on your ankles. She'll be able to rest her bottom on the tops of your thighs to make this less of a feat of strength for you.

4.Cowgirl

When she takes the reins, she'll be able to control the speed, depth, and angle of penetration and assume a supremely pleasing positionCowgirl is the sexual equivalent of tossing her the car keys: "You know how to get us there? Be my guest!" To begin, lie on your back so she can straddle you, facing in your direction. From this position, she can grind or move back-and-forth, up-and-down, in circles, or a mashup of all those motions.As with doggy style, guiding her fingers or a toy to her clitoris will be a relatively easy proposition. Leaning backward or forward will alter the angle at which you enter her, and by planking on top of you, she can stage an inverted version of an advanced CAT position to better stimulate her clitoris. Other variations include putting her feet flat on the bed or the floor so she can work you vertically in a deep and dirty squat. Meanwhile, in every variation of face-to-face woman-on-top, your hands are free to stimulate her breasts and nipples with your hands, or lean forward to get your face in all that goodness, which may very well heighten her enjoyment of being in the driver's seat.

Once you've both explored the many variations of a standard woman-on-top, she can straddle you facing your feet. Not only will that give you an arresting view of the action, she'll expand the number of sensations at her disposal.

Grant Stoddard

The 5 Best Ways to Have Your Best Sex Tonight

 Follow these hot tips and you'll astonish her like never before.

Few things are more gratifying than having your partner look up at you with genuine amazement after you've made her body sing it ways it never has before. (Gratifying for you and her, of course.) But sometimes after an A-plus, hole-in-one, gold medal session, she's not the only one laying there, astonished at what might have been the best sex of all time, ever. How the hell did I do that? you think. And can I repeat it? Well, here's the good news: You can. Easily. And there's no practice required. You can do it again tonight. Just follow these five tips to a T and you're sure to blow her mind like never before. 

1.Talk to Her

Sure, you're looking for elaborate techniques that will shock and awe. But none of those matter if you don't know her turn-ons, the things she responds to and—perhaps most importantly—the things she can't stand. Tonight, in a relaxed setting, initiate a conversation about what she likes. Take mental notes. She wants to be heard, and chances are she'll be giving you some news you can use.If she's coy, encourage her to get into some specific areas: Does she like to be dominated? What sort of porn does she enjoy? What makes her come the hardest? Are there trigger words or imagery that help her get to where she wants to go? What does she fantasize about doing? Not only will you gather valuable intel about how to conduct yourself when things get under way, you're already stimulating her biggest sexual organ (her brain, dummy) and becoming better in bed before you've even laid a hand on each other. Just make sure you don't say any of these moment-murdering phrases.

2.Take More Time

It's not true of all women, but many report that a prolonged session of kissing and above-the-clothes groping can greatly heighten her level of arousal, often indicated by the amount of natural vaginal lubricant she produces. Although your unbridled enthusiasm will be appreciated, getting her all juiced up before your fingers have wandered between her legs will really pay dividends if you're looking to make a lasting impression.If you see her squirming, rubbing her thighs together, spreading her legs, or simply grabbing your hand and placing it on her crotch, a successful session is practically in the bag. Pro tip: put together a great playlist you'll both enjoy and spend three normal-length songs at first and second base. By the time you round third, she'll be waving you in. And if you really want to show her the best sex of her life, check out one the yoga moves that are certain to improve your sex life.

3.Play Zone Offense

Women (and men) have far more erogenous zones than the handful we fixate on. If you've been following this guide, you'll already be stimulating one—her brain—by encouraging her to think about what she likes. Give a similar amount of a attention to her scalp, ears, neck, wrists, fingers, and feet, and make tonight's session an all-body experience she'll be bowled over by.

4.Reacquaint Yourself with the Equipment

Simply put: She's working with a lot you don't have. Probe the internet or crack a book and give yourself a refresher on what parts tend to respond favorably to what stimuli. Be reminded, for example, that some women find direct contact to the clitoris too intense and that simulating the area around it or manipulating it through the clitoral hood is a great way to start gauging her comfort level. Learn about how rubbing an area around two or three inches into the vagina and on the front anterior wall may be something that she's a fan of. (While you're researching, you'd also better Google what "anterior" means.)

5.Flip the Script to Slow Your Roll

It's not always the case, but a common complaint women have is that men's sexual response doesn't always line up with theirs, timing-wise. No one likes to be the proverbial two-pump chump, so forget what you think you know about how a sexual experience. It's not your fault, of course. The baseball analogy I used earlier strongly suggests a certain sequence. But if you feel like you're always getting close to the "point of no return" too quickly, get in the habit of pulling out. Then go down on her, stimulate her manually, kiss her other erogenous zones or simply make out until things have simmered down a little. Employ this technique enough, and you'll be able to get a better sense of your own response gradually lengthening the amount of time you can have intercourse.

Grant Stoddard

6 Women Reveal Men's Biggest Oral Sex Mistakes

 "Half-heartedly lapping for like 45 seconds then demanding praise...super lame."

If you like going down on your female partner, you're in luck—and more importantly, so is she—because a lack of enthusiasm for cunnilingus is the hardest obstacle to overcome if you ever want to perform it convincingly and satisfactorily. And we should all want to be good at it because, done right, it's more likely to end in a toe-curling orgasm for her than vaginal intercourse. According to one meta study, only 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during sex.

The thing is, a lot of women complain that would-be cunning linguists are making a lot of common mistakes. We know this because we asked them and compiled some of their most common responses below. So read on to make sure that you're no neophyte in the high art of pleasing her in the most intimate of ways.

1. Assuming all women like the same things.

"One time I had a guy go down on me and actually used the line, 'My ex said I gave the best head.' " – A, Vancouver, BC.

You had a past lover who raved about the way you went down on her. Your ability to make her feel good made you feel good and that's great. But it doesn't change the fact that each new partner comes complete with her very own set of likes, and dislikes. So while thinking back on rave reviews is manna for your ego, giving your partner boilerplate oral isn't in either of your best interests. Instead, soak up verbal and nonverbal cues from her like a sponge. While it's advantageous to have a cache of tried and tested techniques at your disposal, the only way to get her where she wants to go is to attune yourself to what works for her.

2. Thinking of cunnilingus as foreplay.

"Half-heartedly lapping for like 45 seconds then demanding praise…super lame." –  J, Brooklyn, NY.

Dr. Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman encourages you to think of cunnilingus not as foreplay but as coreplay, the centerpiece of a complete act of outercourse that culminates in her orgasm. "Many men approach cunnilingus as an optional appetizer," he says. "However, this approach does not give a woman ample time to become aroused and ready for direct clitoral contact, nor do a few licks here and there provide the persistent, consistent clitoral stimulation that intensifies arousal." Keep this up and, before you know it, you'll be a freaking god in the bedroom.

3. Being unenthusiastic.

"We know when you're faking it. If you hate going down on a girl then just say it. We can't guarantee it won't be a dealbreaker (because, come on now) but nothing's worse than a guy who gives you a cursory lick with a facial expression akin to a child who hates broccoli and then darts away thinking he's done 'woke guy' duty. Uh, no dude.  We can tell time." – E, Seattle, WA.

Back to the Body is a world-traveling women's retreat run by sex educator and author Pamela Madsen. She explains that a lot of women harbour feelings of shame about their vulva and worry about how they look and smell.  "The best orgasms happen when women know that their partner loves their pussy," she explains adding that partners would do well to verbalize their excitement and arousal when up close and personal with a woman's vulva.  This is a sentiment echoed by Dr. Kerner. "Cunnilingus is an extremely vulnerable act and many women feel a lack of genital self-esteem," he says. "Be sure to reassure her that her smell and taste turn you on, and that you're enjoying being there and that there's no rush; she has all the time in the world."To Kerner's last point: it's important not to be too goal-oriented. You run the risk of screwing hings up completely. And anyway, you should be enthusiastic. Going down on her is one of the surefire ways to make sex last (much) longer.

4. Tongue-pummeling the clitoris like a speed bag.

"Not checking in to make sure he has the pressure right.  Cunnilingus is like a massage…it's important to get the right pressure so that it's satisfying but not overwhelming." – B,  London, UK.

Of course, everyone is different but many of the women I polled mentioned that too much direct pressure on the clitoris can be too intense to be enjoyable. "The head of the clitoris is homologous to the head of the penis, meaning they come from the same embryonic tissue, "explains clinical sexologist and creator of online video series, "Sexplanations," Dr. Lindsey Doe. "The same way you probably don't want me sucking, flicking, and rubbing the head of your dick is the same for my clit. Run your tongue along the length of the clitoral shaft. Use the clitoral hood or prepuce to massage it without direct stimulation. And for goodness sake, pay attention to by body cues because I might want less, more, or something different altogether." "We each have our own pressure preference," adds sexologist Amy Levine. "The clitoris is nerve packed—more nerve endings than the entire penis—and while some women may love a firm touch, for other's it's too sensitive. Take note of her verbal and nonverbal cues."

5. Not using your fingers or using them as a proxy for your penis.

"Fingering straight, instead of curling the fingers upwards towards the front of the pelvis to hit the g spot feels like a tiny penis. It doesn't do much." – B, London. UK.

Not all women like their cunnilingus accompanied by fingering but many of the women I spoke with said that having their g-spots rubbed in conjunction with a mouth on and around their vulva made for a more powerful and reliable orgasm, particularly when doing the "come hither" motion and rubbing the spongy area one to three inches up on the  front wall of their vagina. "Don't think of your fingers as a proxy for your penis; it's not about the thrusting; it's more about the penetration and pressure," says Dr. Kerner. "The vagina naturally tents and contracts, so insert one or two fingers into the vagina; press upwards against the g-spot, let her vaginal muscles nestle and clench against your fingers."

6. Not taking a hint.

"When you say, 'Mmm, that's so good, I love that', and they immediately switch it up. If something feels amazing, please oh please keep doing it just like that." – L, Brooklyn, NY.

While her thighs my be on your ears from time to time, listening to the verbal and nonverbal cues she's giving you is going to be a key part of whether she looks forward to or is frustrated by the oral you give her. Typically, Moans, "yeahs" and "oh my God"s mean "keep doing exactly what you're doing" though according to many of the women, I spoke with these are often interpreted as requests to change things up. Another respondent, J of Brooklyn,  expressed it this way: "Moving back to foreplay-style moves like licking the inner thigh once a pattern and rhythm has already been established sucks. I'm trying to focus on an orgasm!"

Prolonged silences on the other hand, my require you to open other channels of communication. Don't be afraid to ask what she likes. Then do that thing. And while you're having those conversations, just make sure you don't say any of the phrases that you should never say to a naked woman.

Grant Stoddard